Here's the deal. I have had a recent friendship that I'm pretty sure was self-gratifying (for the other person). I always hoped for a friendship with this lady because she has a lot of interesting things going on in her life. And, I wanted our friendship to strengthen her ties to our church. She hosted a monthly get-together that I joined...and paid for. I enjoyed it. Learned a lot. Got to meet a lot of new ladies. But, it was at a time where our finances were t.i.g.h.t. But, I believe in following through with my commitments. Immediately after I began these get-togethers, this lady and her family basically quit coming to our church. Oh, you know, they'd stay out too late on Saturday night, or the husband wouldn't "lead" the family in going to church. Just fill in the blank with a good excuse. I noticed a pattern of comments with the ladies in the get-togethers. It seemed they were replacing the organized church with other Christian activities. Kids are in Awanas, members of Christian homeschooling group, members of Christian mothering groups, etc. But, they were not committed to their local church. Weird. For me, at least, Sunday has always been about the Lord's house and the other activities were extra.
Anyhow. This lady friend had some extremely difficult circumstances come her way. During this time, she reached out for help from basically anyone but her church family. While many were willing to help, no one knew of the need. It was sad to me that one would not think of their church family in their moment of need. In the process, our pastor and our church body took the hit via her publishing outlet that for the first time she truly experienced the body of Christ and that it was not found in her local church. Esperame. Or, in English, spare me. This really rubs me raw. But, I made an effort to stay in touch and be supportive (again, my original goal). And, I've really tried my best to release this crazy not-really-friendship to the Lord. As long as she is where the Lord wants her, then, that should be enough for me, regardless of my opinions.
Anyhow, in the mix of things, I believe we have been more than supportive of their business. And, I really believe we don't owe them our business. Basically because I believe they used our circumstances for their gain, and when they didn't need or get the gain they were looking for, then they moved on to the next opportunity.
All this to say, I've done my best to keep my mouth shut about all of this. Because it saddens me. And, I've been having a ton of crazy dreams lately and one was about this lady friend. And, I was shocked at how I treated her. Which, for me, affirmed that I'm still dealing with the unravelling of this whole ordeal.
Anyhow, the final straw was today. While browsing her personal publishing outlet, I noticed that she deleted my personal publishing outlet from her list (which only has about 10 anyway). I definitely believe this is a silent, yet clear, message to me.
So, if you're reading this, lady friend, you may not agree with any of this. But, it's my post. And, I really do sincerely wish you well.
Farewell.
1 year ago
13 comments:
duuuude, that has happened to me before! as soon as i got bumped from the list, i was like SEE YA! you are SO not worth the work!! good riddance! her loss.
I simply must comment on this post. I too was part of this stamp club. Before I joined I knew we had to spend $25 a month on product. This was an up front agreement that we made. I don't understand why you would join a group when finances were so t.i.g.h.t., when you knew the requirements beforehand. I was NEVER pressured into buying anything extra.
This lady is my dear friend. She is a very Godly woman who is strong in her faith, dedicated to living out her beliefs, a wonderful mother, wife and friend.
Even if she did not reach out to you directly with their troubles you spoke of, once you did find out what did you do? Pray, offer help moving, offer to watch her children, take over a meal, let her cry on your shoulder. We are called to love on another. Not when it is convenient or when it is easy. Your comments were very harsh and hurtful and being her good friend, I am deeply offended by them.
LeAnne
This woman that you refer to is also a dear friend of mine.
She has offered her love, her help and support, a listening ear, babysitting, food... she invited me to a mothers' group and led me into many friendships. My life has been richly blessed by her.
I didn't find out right away about her financial struggles either. Why? Because it is a HARD situation. You don't just start calling up everyone. Except maybe your pastor. If something that devastating happens to your family, you focus on surviving.
When we did find out what was happening, we prayed, we helped, we offered love and we listened. Did you?
This is slander and gossip. No one should be talked about in such a hateful way, for all the world to see. Would you want someone to try to publicly ruin your reputation? Futhermore, as Christians we are called to a much higher standard. Be light to the world.
If you have unresolved issues, I suggest you pray about it. Seek godly wisdom. Only ever talk to the person that you feel has wronged you. And truly listen. Offer grace and forgiveness, if need be. But do not slander and gossip.
If this is a relationship that you need to walk away from, so be it. Sometimes relationships are just not meant to be. But a step like this is not a peaceful move. It's offensive.
One more thing troubles me about this post. You referred to the ladies in this group and comments they were making about replacing organized church with other Christian activities such as Awana, homeschool groups and Christian mothering groups. Now you have just plain offended me. I and my family are strong members at HABC. Yes my children attend Awana while I am in my 3rd year of volunteering as a Cubbie leader(3 and 4 year olds). Yes, as of this year, I am a homeschooling mom and we are members of CHESS. But last year they were in public school. I have in no way replaced my church family with these activities nor did I make any comments that would have led you to believe that! Please don't generalize "all ladies" in your comments. This is slander and you have not only committed against this "lady" but these other ladies as well.
LeAnne
Shame, shame on you for spreading poisonous gossip to get attention, sympathy, or whatever you hope to gain. Do you realize how you have harmed your own witness in the process? Surely you're aware of the scriptural outline for resolving offenses. It's well worth the few minutes it takes to re-read Matthew 18, before choosing to spew your venom this way.
As far as this family's "difficult circumstances" are concerned: let's all pray by God's grace that you are never in the position of deciding how widely to broadcast such news. To later be (publicly) picked apart for your choices at such a time, adds insult to injury. Clearly, your pride is stung because you weren't higher on their list of people to call - oh, and mustn't forget, because one less person is now linking to your blog! - but consider your own behavior if you're wondering why. Have you demonstrated compassion here? Christian love? Have you shown that you are a good friend, or trustworthy?
Exploiting a fellow believer's heartache to turn the focus onto yourself is pathetic, and profoundly selfish.
I'm saddened myself that your heart hurt enough that you had to tear down another for all of bloggindom to see. Like the other ladies, the woman you speak of is my dear friend, a lady who loves the Lord and who reflects Him in her daily life. I agree whole-heartedly with the comments made by them. Many things you have said are just false.
I know what it feels like to loose a relationship, whether it be strong or weak it still hurts. However, we are in NO way as Christians supposed to cause gossip. "If your brother sins against you, go and show him his fault, just between the two of you. If he listens to you, you have won your brother over." -- Matthew 18:15
I myself have been deleted from a blog list. So? You move on.
Are you wanting to cause hurt for this lady? This post seems a bit malicious. We are told over and over in the Bible that we should build others up, to keep our mouths away from gossip and ugliness, to keep our hearts and our minds clean. Just because you are upset, it gives you no right to do this. As a member of the "organized church" you should know this.
I was also a member of the club you speak of. And, my dear, you judge too quickly. You must be talking about me to an extent. I, at the time, was looking for a church home. We were looking for something closer. My kids did attend AWANA as we were church dating. We are involved in a Christian homeschool organization, and I do attend a mothering Bible study. Is that wrong to seek the Lord in all you do?? You'll be happy to know we are attending a church in town. Do not judge others situations if you know not what you are speaking of. Why would anyone want to come to your church if this is what will happen to them if they choose to leave?
This lady you speak of has overcome so many trials. And every time, her character remained and she always kept a mild, peaceful spirit as her world tipped back and forth. Please do not disparage her further.
I pray peace for you as you sort this out.
~A~
I need to add, hurt causes bad reactions. I have done so myself and have been the victim of it as well. You are a wonderful young lady. I really don't think deep down you want to tear this lady down or even the other women from the club. We all make mistakes. Then we learn from them. Forgiveness is what seperates us from the rest of the world. Even if all of this were true, could you forgive and change your tone toward her? It's so difficult to forgive.
~A~
i have no idea what's going on here, but kitty is my friend so i will say this: it hurts deeply to be deleted from a blog list and kitty has feelings, too. everyone who commented here and used Bible verses and shamed her publicly on her own blog is just as guilty as she supposedly is for writing anything negative about a person, only you drug God into it. this is her blog and no one is holding a gun to your head and forcing you to read it.
Ashley, she drug God into in her accusations of all the ladies in the stamp club. Just as this is her blog and she if free to say what she wants, whether true or not, about anyone, we have the right as this ladies friend to stand up for her and the truth.
I have to agree with A. People do many foolish things out of hurt, myself included.
I know and love the person you refer to. I don't believe she would intentionally hurt you. And I'd like to believe the same about you, although we've never met. I understand that when you feel like you've been slapped, the tendency is to become self-defensive or self-preserving.
When your blog link was deleted, it was probably because there was a past hurt there, and the link was just a reminder. There are hundreds of reasons. Try not to take it personally.
Some friendships just can't prosper. If you guys could peacefully part ways, pray for each other, and move on. Smile and wave when you see each other, but avoid judgment or vengeance.
Praying for you both.
A blog is PUBLIC, and it's a mistake to treat it like a diary. Words written here are not for the author's eyes only ... and that's kind of the point, right?
A suggestion for Kitty: if you were to delete this post from your blog, it would remove the original words that clearly caused offense to others, and the comments that followed. It might also go a long way toward promoting peace, and healing hurts. Whether or not you feel justified in writing what you did, a gesture of peace wouldn't be a bad thing. Just a thought.
It makes me very sad to read this. I too am a friend of the lady you talk about in this post. I have recently joined many of the groups you talk about as "replacing" the church and do not view it in this way. I feel they are an extension of the body of Christ. I was present when the whole situation you refer to as their "financial problems" took place and honestly I was disgusted by her churches lack of concern. I KNOW the pastor was aware of the situation as was another member of your church. Maybe you should ask him why the church body wasn't more acitve in helping a fewllow member. Has anyone once even tried to "restore fellowship" with these people or are you just content to live in your own little world and pretend it is all someone else's fault. I didn't know it was anyone elses business how another choses to worship God. All that matters is that they are in the Lord's will and it brings glory to Him. It is not anyone elses business to judge that for another person. I often tell my children that we are to treat even our enemies with kindness and love them no matter where they are. Unfortunately they have had the opportunity to put this into practice. Here is the perfect opportunity for you to do so and what is sad is that you claim this person was a friend, not a enemy. I hope that if you have children they can't read what you posted.
Shereea
Wow! Can't say that I'm shocked by those of us who call ourselves Christians but I am dissapointed in how we sometimes act. I don't remember Jesus having to be a part of "organizied religion". I do know that time with God through other outlets besides church service doesnt' make us less of a Christian or Godly women or family. How about we all forgive eachother and let God be the judge of how we spend our time. Another lady mentioned not dragging God into this or biblical references and truth is thats how Satan got this going in the 1st place. If our lives, our nation and the world would reflect Gods desires into every little thing we wouldn't be in conflict over this blog or anything else. What ever happened to what momma always said? "If you can't say anything nice....then shut up!"
I am a Christian and prayerfully a Godly women, but that is for my Father to decide, not anyone else. I have been in and out of church services and bible groups for 2 yrs. waiting upon the Lord to direct my paths. Now we have found our place. Whether or not our decision of worship pleases everyone, for us it is "as unto the Lord". When we help others do it "as unto the Lord".Let us look inward at ourselves and seek the Lords answer for every situation and take comfort in knowing He is with us and forgives us all......if we ask! Sometimes in our Christian walk we don't think we need to ask.
I'm so sorry to hear about your "lady friends" personal problems, it should not be told by you or anyone other than her. I'm sure your family life as mine has not been the "church picture perfect".
Please know there are many of us out here that love this person that you have slandered and is proud of the path God has called her to be on. She is a great example of daily living, walking it out doesn't mean every step she takes is perfect. I know her heart and yours must be hurt at this time but the strength of God will pull you both through. When God tempers us it stings but only for a moment. He gets the glory when we come out of the fire. Rise up mighty warriors! We have been chosen because He believes in us. Please read 2Kings vrs. 16-18. I read from the KJV so you could judge me about that if you want.Either way know that the battle has already been WON!!!
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