One of my favorite books in high school was The Great Awakening. I feel like I'm going thru my own great awakening. Like, that it's finally ok for me to be me again. Like, while being a mom and wife are definitely my roles, I can still be me. And, being me makes me better at those roles.
Here are some examples of things I've done recently that I haven't since I became pregnant with Eli (3 years ago!)...
- Bought a nice pair of boots
- Bought a nice pair of jeans (2 sizes smaller!)
- Got contacts, again (after 1 1/2 years of only wearing glasses)
- Invested in a daily face cleansing system
- Bought a nice pair of panties
- Bought a nice winter coat
- Got modern sunglasses
- Began straightening my hair
...and many more, I'll have to think as I write. And, yes, I do realize most of those include making a purchase. Shallow? Maybe. But, it's a big step for this mother of two young ones.
I've also started running again. My mom (and maybe sister-in-law) and I have decided to train for a half marathon in March. It's a big task ahead. Definitely a God-sized goal. But, I do believe this is the needed scratch to my itch of my great awakening. I use to be much more everything before having children. And, well, I had two within 18 months. I don't want to be the person that wakes up with my kids in school to realize that I've not cared for myself in years. It would be a personal nightmare.
But, I've felt helpless to do anything about it. Some would say, "Enjoy the time with your young ones." Well, this has nothing to do with not enjoying them. I will not be pressured into going to a gym ($ and time issues). For me, my issue is food. And, it's a spiritual battle. Yes, they do exist. And, for me, eating is an obedience to the Lord issue. What am I willing to give up in order to obey Him? Or disobey Him? I want to be a happier, more satisfied and self-confident mom and wife. And, a healthier one. And, an example to my daughter that while being a mom is fantastic, it doesn't mean an end of her own uniqueness.
If you're still reading, thanks for hanging in there with my rambling.
Anyhow, I've ran 3 times in the past week. Which is twice more consecutively since getting pregnant with Eli. And, I felt much stronger today. Ran 3 miles straight! Go me! What I love most about running is that it is all personal me time. I think and pray the whole time. In college, when I ran a lot, I always thought about God's name Emmanuel, which means "God with us." And, I think it is rather applicable while I run. And, now it's Christmas time, so I get to hear lots of Emmanuel while I run. Which, I feel is like my personal encouragement straight from the One.
Back to what I was saying, we had missionaries from Germany speak at our church on Sunday. Ms. Cheryl said something that I have chewed on a lot since then. She said that being called to the African bush (before Germany) was clearly God saying "I don't want your abilities, I want your availability." Stop and re-read that. And, pause. Wow. How my life would change if I lived by this. Daily. Hourly. I thought about this a lot on my run tonight because the goal was to run 3 miles without walking. And, my abilities are still weak. And, it was a beautiful moment of resting in His truth.
And, the other beautiful moment was at about the 2.2 mile mark when the Heart of Worship song came on. As I was relishing in the words of this common song, it was like the Lord was saying, "Yeah, you're worth it. You are worth having this goal. You are worth the prize."
And, that was when I knew that I would make the 3 mile run. And, will make the 13.1 mile run in March. And, that it's ok for me to take this personal time to invest in myself. It's making me a better wife and mom and everything else. And, a big props to Chris for fully supporting me in this endeavor (the whole Great Awakening and the race). He's encouraging and takes over for the kids while I train.
So, I have three goals for this race: 1) Finish 2) Be stronger 3) Run the whole time And, as I ran tonight, those goals changed order. Except for the finish part. That's definitely #1!
Again, if you're still reading, thanks.
All this to say that I'm addicted to this Great Awakening. Of relishing that who God made me to be is something worth pursuing! Oh, the freedom in that realization!
More to come on the training progress. Thankfully, today was a success and tomorrow is a rest day!
And, now it is time for me to go shower!