Jesus, Draw Me Close

Well, there is much to blog about, but my re-commitment to blogging is about keeping it real. So, there are some very specific thoughts to digest this early Monday morning.
All the snow last week and being cooped up definitely produces a rough dose of cabin fever and emotional roller coasters. Well, maybe that last part has to do with being 6 1/2 months pregnant, but none the less it has been our reality.
I received two very difficult pieces of news last week that have been very hard for me to process. First, an old friend that served as a journeyman (2 year) missionary in Mexico with us was diagnosed rather unexpectedly with a 2 inch brain tumor. Did I mention that he is 36 and the father of 3 young children? He is on staff at Brook Hills Baptist Church with David Platt in Alabama. You can read more about Jonathan's story here.
Second, one of my dearest life friends has struggled for several months with women issues and recently found out she was pregnant! We have praised the Lord for his goodness to their family! At her doctor's appointment last week an ultrasound revealed what is believed to be a tear in the placenta and that it is trying to clot, plus the baby had a very low heart rate. Obviously this is devastating news. They are going back to the doctor today to see if there is any change with this little one.
Both of these people have shown a ridiculous amount of boldness in relying on the Lord. My friend said that while the waiting is so tough she knows that the Lord has met them there before and she believes He will be right there with them on Monday (later today at the appointment). It is the waiting that is always the hardest. We have talked extensively about what the Lord does during "the waiting" over the past year. As if He was preparing us for our lives right this moment.
Well, Saturday was a rough day for me. I was able to talk with my friend and again, she described how her interaction with her two kids has changed since the ultrasound. How she was so acutely aware of God and his blessings to her. And, it all just put me in a bad mood. Why? Not exactly sure, except definitely my sin nature. I want so bad to be justified in being grumpy, cranky, and in an overall state of complaining, but- well, honestly, next to these two families I have nothing at all to even tarry over. And, that doesn't feel good either, because sometimes a good pity-party is what would feel best. But, again, that is my sin-nature.
So, while resting on the couch after a long day with the kids I was wracking my brain with all the complaints I had with the world and what I was going to have to do to fix it all- in between pretending dump truck play and pulling hair out of a little girl's eyes. Chris was working on the music for Sunday and was picking at a song- an old song. A song whose words echoed the deep of my heart. Where truth resides. Even when it seems dark, Truth is able to speak to me- if I don't squelch it with my self pity and the lies Satan has readily available for me to embrace.

The song is Jesus, Draw Me Close:
Jesus, draw me close
Closer Lord to you
Let the world around me fade away.
Jesus, draw me close
Closer Lord to you
For I desire to worship and obey

Simple truth. Again, I was confronted with the choice to let the Lord draw me close to Him, to trust Him, to let go of "control." And, honestly, I needed the world to fade away- I was overwhelmed by these situations that were happening to really good Christians. And, I know that my ultimate desire is to worship and obey Jesus. Which always comes with self sacrifice.
I had a rough sleep Saturday night. The kids woke me up around 3am and for the next hour and twenty minutes (who's counting, right?) my mind waged war with itself. I was going to throw in the towel on everything and just coast. I remember thinking that my Dad wonders if people give up right before the Lord's blessings become evident, but they don't get to experience them. And, I vividly remember thinking that maybe there was something to just taking a break and picking back up with the Lord in a short while. I mean, in my short frame of reference I have a long list of "things" that have not changed or shown significant improvement...so it's not like I'm missing out on any big changes either way. But, I also reminded myself that we (Chris and I) make no decisions when we are tired or overwhelmed because it's generally Satan who tries to get us off focus when we're down. And, I knew that at the root of all my rational and decision processing (if it can be called that at 4am) was selfishness, which is not a characteristic of the Lord. And, again, the words rang true again- "for I desire to worship and obey." And, the answer was to be drawn closer to Jesus. I also spent significant time going over the three Bible verses I've memorized this year (Joshua 1:7, Psalms 40:5, Galatians 5:1) because it is the Truth of Scripture that is an anchor to my emotions. When I can't figure out what the truth is and what is just "me" I know I can count on His words to guide and comfort me.
So, off to church we went Sunday morning and I was determined to not miss the opportunity to worship the Lord and to let Him meet me (because he's always willing, we're usually not!). A lady who I hadn't seen in a month or so talked with me about joining our ladies Bible Study- that she had been having a hard time with a lot of issues this winter and she was ready to make a break for something better- learning more about Jesus and letting Him be the difference maker in her life. I was thinking, "Ok, Lord. Well, you just proved yourself right there. Maybe I am on the right track with pursuing this women's ministry thing." I cried all throughout Jesus, Draw Me Close because it was so evident the personal decision that has to be made to draw close to Him or, frankly, deal with life's messes without Him. No thanks.
Dad read from Isaiah 61:
¹ The Spirit of the Sovereign LORD is on me,
because the LORD has anointed me
to proclaim good news to the poor.
He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted,
to proclaim freedom for the captives
and release from darkness for the prisoners,^a]">[a]
² to proclaim the year of the LORD’s favor
and the day of vengeance of our God,
to comfort all who mourn,
³ and provide for those who grieve in Zion—
to bestow on them a crown of beauty
instead of ashes,
the oil of joy
instead of mourning,
and a garment of praise
instead of a spirit of despair.
They will be called oaks of righteousness,
a planting of the LORD
for the display of his splendor.

And, again, I could feel the Lord breathing comfort on me. At lunch, with some guests from church, they talked about two other very specific things/events that I had wrestled with in the middle of the night. I was bewildered as I saw how the Lord was graciously showing me that He is intimately aware of my needs. In fact, I didn't even have to bring any of these things up- the Lord had woven them into their hearts and mouths. And there was a third thing that the Lord just poured into my lap. A burden that I have silently been struggling with- or enduring.
It has been my experience that it would seem to be "easy" or tangible to boldly rely on the Lord when big things happen: facing life and death, a diagnosis, extreme weather issues, job loss, etc. But, it's hard to resolve to follow hard after Jesus when it's just regular tough. I am not facing anything more difficult than thousands of other women in the world (although I want to stomp my feet and proclaim to be the most under appreciated and misunderstood women of them all). But, in the circumstances that the Lord has placed me in, I get to choose to draw close to Jesus, to not focus on the weights of the world, and to worship and obey the One who is THE difference maker in my life.
So, if you're still reading this I share all of this because it is a fresh reminder of God revealing himself to a regular woman. And, of the wrestling we often have to do with ourselves, to get ourselves out of the way to be able to see Jesus. And, He knows I'll have more rough patches and I will need a reminder of how He is in control.
Please join me in praying for my two friends - Jonathan and Abigail. Jonathan is still in the process of meeting with doctors to determine his plan for care. Abigail has a doctor's appointment today to determine if she is miscarrying or not.
As was written on Jonathan's white board in his hospital room: "The star of hope is still in the sky when the night is blackest." Charles Spurgeon Amen!

The Written Word

I love to read really well written things. I, no shocker, am not a good writer. I would rather speak. But, I really am impressed with those who have a gift of writing. Here are a few blogs that are the finest of writers. If you're not already following them, you may after spending a few minutes on their blogs!

Beth Moore's Living Proof Ministry Blog

Amanda Jones' Baby Bangs (Beth's daughter)

Ann Voskamp's A Holy Experience

Lysa TerKeurst

In fact, I just received a copy of Lysa's new book Made to Crave. So...off I go to begin!

Target and Spring

Nothing like an impromptu trip to Target to make you want to spend a ton of money on items for spring! I mean, we have a lot of winter to go...but I'm missing bright colors and flowers and ruffles and cute shoes. Ahhh! So...here are two dresses I got today (planning on wearing post delivery) and some shoes that I would like in every color available. Couldn't find pics online of the bathing suit I would get if Chris and I were going to a beach somewhere far away (as in passport required) or the fun purple purse I saw. Oh well. Here you go!

The neck on this is fantastic. Plus, it is as soft as a favorite t-shirt. And, I don't know why, but I'm certain it looks better on me than their model. Hmmm. Maybe I could have a new career? Right.



This is a great orange dress. Looking forward to wearing this post delivery with fun sandals! Well, for some reason Target's website doesn't want me to share it with you. I'll have to take a pic when I wear it. And, share with you the cutest thing Eli said when I tried it on at the store.

On to the shoes...
Well. Hmmm. Maybe now is the time to talk about my desire for a laptop...PC. I know, Mac's do SO much, but I want a basic laptop that I know how to use and can get all the pictures I want! Ahhh! So frustrating.

So, really this blog is about the new gray dress and all the other stuff I wanted to share, but couldn't download the images.
Fun!

New Finds!

Here are some new purchases I'm enjoying...

New face wash! I find myself leaning towards all Neutrogena products. I love their makeup. It may be because I'm getting older. But, it's fantastic!

New foundation. Again, it may be because I'm getting older. Or that winter sucks any color tone out of my skin. I usually use a stick (looks like lipstick), but I thought I'd change it up a bit. Any who, it's doing the job well.

And, because I'm not that old! I l.o.v.e. these shoes! They are so very very comfortable, go with everything, and are a bit more stylish than running shoes! My cousin has them with a touch of pink, but no such luck for me. If you do find them though, size 8.5 please!

Ok...I've spent at least 5 precious minute looking for a picture. Still not 100% at using Chris' Mac. So, here's a link: New Balance 460 Kaleidoscope Collection I also saw there is a new J Crew Collection. I'll have to find time to study up on that! Anyhow, Joe's New Balance Outlet is the best place to get them online. We've bought shoes through them before and were very pleased!

Lastly...because winter seems to have been long already (and we're really just getting started!) I just had to paint my toenails my favorite OPI color. Yes, DC Cherry Blossom. Added a little bit of color to the white/gray backdrop of snow.

Happy Tuesday! Let me know if there's something you're loving! It may need to be added to my radar!

Love is a verb

Yes, DC Talk coined the phrase back in my junior high days- but these are a few reminders I've seen in the past week of love displayed in action...
1- A family in our church has befriended a man, who to say the least is socially awkward. Anyhow, he has since been saved and is faithful at our services. After last Wednesday night's service he stood and thanked the congregation for providing him with gas to heat his home. He was in tears at the generosity of others. I didn't know we had decided to do that, but I am not surprised. We are to meet our brothers needs if we can. And, we've had some insanely cold nights. His genuine appreciation was beautiful.
2- I met a Peruvian family that is serving as missionaries to the Hispanic community in our area via a local church. The church sponsors them through immigration, however they have not continued their commitment to provide this couple with an income. Now the couple not only does not know how they will be able to provide for their family (they have two children), but they are at risk of losing their sponsorship and having to return to their country. Yet, they continue to serve the Lord and seek him for guidance. The husband said, "You know Scripture says we go from 'victory to victory.'" Um. I believe that's a direct reflection on Psalms 84, "they go from strength to strength" - which happens to be one of the most influential verses of my life. Their love for the Lord is greater than the hardships they are enduring. It also reminded me of the honor it is to support the IMB through the Southern Baptist Convention.
3- It was reported via facebook that my brother spontaneously bought lunch for two Airmen at Applebee's. Not sure much more needs to be said about that.
4- A single mom in our church had to go on a business trip that began early Sunday morning. A couple in our church had arranged with her to pick her kids up at their Dad's house so they could make it to church. And, then they took them out to lunch and to their aunt's house (to stay while their Mom was gone). It's wonderful that our church body takes care of each other. What a help for this mom.

Peas in a Pod

I really.really. would like to have one of these. Only, with 3 peas! Love.

If you have never visited The Vintage Pearl's blog...do so now and enjoy a new love! Their button is on my side bar.

Until then, I'll be thinking of the best thing vegetables could give us - a sterling silver and pearl necklace design!

Week 1 Recap

I agree with you. If I say I'm going to blog, then I need to blog! Get on with it already!

We have had one v.e.r.y. busy week! We returned last Sunday from Louisiana and I thought I had two days at home with the kids before the craziness unleashed. I am helping out at one of Dad's tax businesses and the kids are going to Pre-K five days a week during the crazy season. Crazy is right! So, Monday I was eating lunch with the kids while we enjoyed one of Abi's new Minnie Mouse cartoons (and surrounded by no less than 10 loads of laundry and Christmas debris) and the phone rang. The school. I figured they wanted to remind me I actually needed to register Abi (b/c why wait to the last minute?). Well, very kindly Ms. Marsha reminded me/informed me that school started that day, not Wednesday! Right. So after naps we made a mad dash around town to get Abi registered and get a nap mat and everything else I thought I had two days to do!

The kids love school! Praise the Lord! They do go to a fantastic learning center at a church and I am totally at ease with them there. Definitely a blessing! I'll do a separate post about Abi and her school experience. If I had a dollar for every time my parents have said this week, "She is just like her mother!"

The tax season is quickly upon us. There are some major changes this year thanks to Big Brother. They are really good at telling you how you can spend your money, but also at telling businesses how they can make money or not. Big government. Hmmm.

All the changes this week have left me with a bunch of Braxton Hicks contractions- not sure I remember having so many this early (21 1/2 weeks) in my past pregnancies. But, maybe my muscles are just more relaxed third time around. I'm also having more sciatic nerve/hip pains. Growing a baby is tough! But, it's a blessed reminder that Caleb is growing and thriving. And, we are very thankful for that!

To add to the awesome first week of the New Year, we also had Abi's 2nd birthday party! {I'll try to get a post done on that too!} I was very stressed about getting our house clean and Christmas decorations down! Accomplished about 2 hours pre party! I am thankful to have a husband that just assumes the job of dismantling the tree- to be fair, I was busy making cupcakes with blackberry buttercream frosting!

So...to sum up the week- it was crazy busy, but the Lord brought us thru in one piece! And, I now have a list of other posts to write! And, pictures! Until then, I'm going to have some coffee!